100 DAYS

I woke up this morning feeling tired and un-rested. Sleeping comfortably has been a challenge as of late but it hasn't been too bad. With each passing day the baby gets stronger, more active (longer periods of time, more times throughout the day), and my belly gets bigger. Ryan measured my belly the other night (I forgot to ask what the measurement was at my last midwife appointment) and it's measuring right on point. 25cm. I will be 26 weeks along this Saturday.

Which Means:

Today marks only 100 more days until the due date. Now I know the baby could come before or after the due date but still... 100 days. In any other situation, 100 days may seem like a ways away - some how now, the 100 days seems like it will be here in a blink of an eye. I am growing anxious. I just want to meet this little baby. I am also thinking a lot about labor and delivery. I have a great partner who I know will be supportive and kind. I have a Douala as well which I am grateful for her experience and coaching. She has 5 kids so she has done this a time or two. Having these two people in the room to encourage, support, comfort and help me through is a great gift. My only worry is that I will have a long labor and have nothing left in the tank when it's time to deliver.

My year and half of CrossFit training has taught me that when I think there is nothing left, dig a little deeper and I will find more. I am stronger than I think I am and my body was meant to do these things. Those thoughts/learnings can certainly apply to labor and delivery - I just need to remember them when I am in the moment. I have never been the most self confident person so I am hoping this experience will help me learn how to trust in myself, my skills, my instincts, and my abilities.

So there are my deep thoughts for this post. The more I prepare and think/weigh options and plan for labor and delivery the better I will feel. So am researching and asking and taking notes every step of the way.

The fun facts:
* My belly measures 25cm - right on target
* I have gained a total of 20lbs -while I am grateful that it is all up front (boobs and belly) my lower back is not so grateful.
* Sleeping comfortably has become a challenge for both me and Ryan (poor guy)
* Baby shower is in a few weeks, I can't wait - my sisters (to include D) and Mom are the best!
* Next Midwife appt is 9/9

Thanks for checking in!

This is a pic taken last week of Ruby resting her head against the baby bump.

Family Visit

This past week my parents came to stay with us for a week long visit. With them they brought Tyler to stay for 3 weeks. It was so good to have them here, hug them, kiss them, talk to them and just be in their company. Tyler is touring MTSU with her Dad today. Fingers crossed, with no pressure, she comes here for College. It was sad to have the rents leave this morning but we will see them next weekend when we bring Tyler home. Hopefully this this past week starts the new trend of seeing each other more often.

The next time they come to TN they will be meeting their next Grandchild for the 1st time. I can't believe how fast this is going. Baby Speed is growing stronger with each little kick.

At 21 Weeks:

1. Basketball belly already - Ryan says this kid will be like me, needs extra space!
2. Ryan has been able to feel the baby kick, along with the big sister Tyler and Grandma. Strong little bugger, always on the move.
3. I have been feeling really good. Aside from my daily dosage of TUMS, my appetite is back. It's good to look at food with desire again instead of disgust and disdain.
4. I have been following the workouts on the CrossFit Mom website- I do this one day a week and walk for 30 mins the other days around the block on my lunch hour. I would like to do more of the CrossFit but it just doesn't fit during the week. By the time I get home, I am hungry and tired... I know if I wait to eat after the workout I will end up getting sick. It's just to long to wait.

Those are the biggest updates so far. Oh, other than my Mom is convinced it's a boy based on how I look. My Dad refers to the baby as "his grandson"... lets hope they are right, with all the 'he' references. This baby is set in the name department, the names are locked in and finalized. As a hint, a celebrity who gave birth to a baby girl recently stole one of our names... the nerve! : ) It took Ryan and I a long time to agree on names so we are not changing it based on the recent events.

Thank you to all that ask and check up on us. I will continue to keep you posted. Sorry this post doesn't contain much excitement.

3 Years Ago Today

I promise to love you with all my heart and mind and strength. I vow to be your best friend and do everything in my power to make you as happy as I am today. I will trust you with my dreams and support you in yours. I don’t know what challenges lie ahead, but I do know this, we will face them together.

Almost Half Way!

Sorry it's been a while since I have updated. (I hate that I am starting each post with this phrase - it will get better I promise)

I am feeling MUCH better. The 'all day' sickness has subsided. My appetite is back and the baby is very active. I just started to feel the little babe this past week.

I am back to working out. While I am not able to make the evening WOD's during the week which bums me out,  I have been walking every afternoon at lunch and I do a CF Mom WOD Saturday mornings. I have to tell you that it is really hard to go from racing the clock and your peers to taking it slow, resting between rounds, not going as heavy as you once could. That has been a real challenge for me so it's probably best that I am only WODing once a week. OH and I'm exempt from burpees for now! That is the one plus!

I have been doing a lot of research on line for baby products, breast feeding products, and the likes. Making lists and debating with Ryan over colors and patterns. We went through the list last night and got stuck trying to pick out a stroller. Ryan says to me "can't we go to the store and play with the stuff? I'm more of a hands on shopper". This surprised me since he's not into the shopping and registry stuff. So I am happy to fulfill that request.

We have our ultra sound this Friday. We are both looking forward to seeing the baby and we both are still in agreement that we will not be finding out the gender. I got my 1st high five for that decision this weekend. Whenever I am asked if/when we will find out, and I say no I get this look of disbelief. It's funny to see peoples reactions, it's mostly the same, and I have gotten into the habit of already explaining that we want to be surprised and will plan the best we can with gender neutral 'gear'. So when I was given a high five it took me by surprise and made me smile!

For those that are wanting belly pic's - sit tight. I will post a pic at 20 weeks. I feel very large (belly large) for just starting my 19th week. But I have been reassured that nothing else (other than my boobs) has gotten bigger - AND I am almost half way done! I can't believe it!  So Mom, if you are reading this I am thinking it's a boy based on your theory - I'm caring it all up front, I'm all belly.

I will be very much relived after our appointment on Friday. I just want to know that all is OK with the baby so far. That he/she looks to be healthy and everything is in order. Every day I feel more and more movement. Especially this past Saturday. Ryan took me to see Cirque du Soleil for our anniversary and as soon as the lights went down and the loud music started the baby went nuts. Either we have a dancer/gymnast on our hands or another drummer. We will be happy with either. We love the performing arts and would be thrilled if this baby followed in his or her older siblings steps.

I think that is all for now. As more starts to happen I will be sure to post more often.  I feel like things are just starting to happen - I had 8 weeks of being sick and that would have been pretty boring to hear about week after week, so I didn't post during that time.

I miss all my friends and family back home. I think about all of you daily. Hope all is well with everyone. 

Here is a pick of me during this past Saturday's workout. I did "Baby Nancy". Can't really see the belly in this pick but it's there.

The 3rd child, 1st baby

March 17, 2011 will be a day I will never forget. Not sure about Ryan, he's not very good with dates, but I am sure he will remember the day when the little pink plus sign appeared on the pregnancy test.

Holy Crap! It worked! Was the 1st thought I had, referring to Ryan's vasectomy reversal in Oct.

The next thought, Wow, we are going to have a baby.

The next thought - MAN! It's St. Patricks Day, no drinking for me.

A Baby is on the way. We couldn't be happier about it but there have certainly been fears, anxioety, tears, frustration, and worries - and I am only 12 weeks along.

Let's catch everybody up. Here is my story of the 1st 12 weeks.

The 1st 6 weeks were great. Barely knew I was pregnant. The only give away was it felt as if my bladder had shrunk. Those who know Ryan, you know he has the bladder of a humming bird - I swear mine has become smaller than that. (I know it doesn't really shrink, just felt that way) My excitement was hard to hide as well. What a difficult secret to keep! I was so excited to share the news with Logan and Tyler, and my Mom. I was on cloud nine, thinking this is great! No sickness, no issues, I was feeling great. I woke up one Sunday morning (1 day after the 6 week mark) and was sick and exhausted. I didn't physically get sick but I felt ill and so tired all day long. I couldn't stand to smell the morning bacon and eggs being cooked, I couldn't stand the thought of food, I had no energy to go to the evening WOD, what the hell happened to me? I was feeling great and then WHAM!

My eating came to a screaching hault! I had just gone grocery shopping and didn't want a single thing we bought. What was I going to do now? I love to cook, I love to eat, I love food but my body wanted nothing to do with it. Mostly MEAT! I'm a meat eater. How can this be, how could meat be such a turn off for me? I had also been keeping up with my workouts during the week. I had been following the scaling on CrossFit Moms and was pissed when I had no energy after work to go work out. My nausea was worse at night to boot. Enter the worrying...

I was able to eat some cinnamon raisin toast, cereal, mashed pototoes, pretty much anything not paleo. I was wanting fruit however, it would leave this horribly sour taste in my moouth so I cut back on that after a little bit. I started to fall into a funk, possibly a bit of depression. I started to second guess my decision to have a child, did I really want to do this. I started feeling sorry for myself because my lifes simpilests pleasure (food) was taken away from me. How was I supposed to have a healthy pregnancy when I can't eat anything healthy.

I was never 100% paleo however, my intake of grains and refined carbs over the last several years had been significantly lower than when I 1st met Ryan. So, for several years I had limited my intake of these things and now overnight I am eating nothing but these things. I had horrible stomach pains. I remember telling Ryan that I now know why babies get so fussy when you introduce cereal to their diet - IT HURTS!!! This pretty much solidified my stance on not feeding this baby cereal. I started my research on paleo babies, there is a lot of info out there so I am glad I started now.

I have to say Ryan has been great through all this. He recognized what was going on with me and helped me talk through what I was feeling. I was feeling so guilty for having these doubts and sometimes feelings of regret... I would have internal battles with myself. I knew I wanted to be a Mom and I knew I was in absolute love with this child, I was just angry and upset that I couldn't eat, couldn't stay awake, couldn't stand to breathe half the time, oh and did I mention our sex life came to a screaching halt. Mom and Sue you may want to stop reading for a few lines and pick it back up after the next paragraph.

It's no secret that I had sex, hello I'm pregnant so I think this is a topic worth sharing. No one told me that I may not want anything to do with my husband, that his smell will be different and that I will barely want to kiss him. Ryan and I enjoyed our sex life. It was a big shocker for me, and it broke my heart when that part of our relationship just ended, out of the blue. I felt like I was letting my husband down. When I read in my book (eveyone has a book) and talked to my sister-in-law, it was confirmed that this was normal. I just wish I had known to expect it.

So to help me not focus on the bad my loving husband would ask me every day what my mantra was to get me through. He was just great. On days when I couldn't think of one he would send me texts telling me things like he looked forward to watching me rock this baby to sleep. That was all I needed and then I would feel better for the day. I would focus on the end result of little fingers and toes, Ryan's eyes, my curls... or our upcoming visit to the midwife.

We decided to go with a Midwife and a Doula. I will talk more about this decision in a later post.

We had our 1st ultrasound at 7.5 weeks. I am a participant in a research study here at Vanderbilt. All this study does is collect data on your life style as you try to get pregnant and through your 1st 12 weeks. They are looking to see what may or may not impact a womans ability to concieve and have a healthy pregnancy. They pay me in the form of giftcards for each weekly diary I complete. This will come in handy! At 7.5 weeks we got to see the little bean, we saw the heart beat but have not heard it yet. A few days after the ultrasound we met our Midwife. Aside from the 7 vials of blood they took from me, we left feeling great about our decision. Since it was so early in the pregnancy the appointment was more a meet and greet. We talked a lot about our family history and how I was feeling. Ryan made sure I talked to her about how low I had been feeling. I was so relieved to hear my Midwife tell me that she did not like being pregnant. She assured me that what I was feeling was normal, but to be cautious and let her know if I started to feel any worse. I had always said that I loved kids but I didn't think I could handle being pregnant and so far my body has not made me liar. However, I hear great things happen in the 2nd trimester and I have some pretty cool things to look forward to.

With the 2nd trimester only a week away I am looking forward to all that it has to bring. I look forward to getting my energy back, possibly appetite (fingers crossed), hearing the heartbeat, getting another ultrasound, watching my belly grow, listening to Ryan talk to my belly, I am hesitant to say - feeling the baby move - because I am not sure how I feel about that. I know it's a good sign and it's reassuring and wonderful but I have a hard time with the sensation of butterflies in my stomach so I am not sure how I will take to being poked and bumped from the inside. It's all weird to me.

We are having a baby! The baby is due mid-November. Right around Thanksgiving and Logan's 20th birthday... crazy!!! It seems so far away but we know it will be here before we know it. We will not be finding out what we are having, keeping it a surprise - I joke with Ryan that it's a boy because only a Speed boy could make a woman feel this way. We are wanting a healthy baby, that is all that matters.
We will keep you posted with updates and photos. Thank you for all the well wishes and warm thoughts! We love and miss you all!

Snow In The South

It took me 5 hours to get home from work last night. 5 HOURS for a drive that typically takes me 45 mins in the morning and an hour in the evening. 5 HOURS!
Now I know people in the south say they don't have experience driving in the snow, but they also say "This happens every year when it snows." How can you then say you don't have experience if this happens every year. Granted the snow is not on the ground for 4-5 months like it is back in OH but you still get it!

Here is the reason people can't drive in the snow... They don't go out and learn. They make an attempt to get to the grocery store to get bread, milk, and water (for the 2-3 days that there will be snow on the roads) but they will not attempt to learn how to operate their vehicle under snowy conditions.

Northerners are not born with the ability to drive in the snow, they learn. Can the skill be learned over time by the occasional drive to the store, maybe, but I think the only way to learn is to go to an empty parking lot (there are alot of them around given that everyone is locked up in their homes) and make those sharp turns, slam on your breaks, do a donut and LEARN how to recover without killing yourself and the car.

I watched people try to drive up a hill, freak out because their car slid SLIGHTLY while the tires tried to find a spot to grip, instead of correcting the wheel the driver STOPPED, just stopped in the middle of the hill in sheer panic....the car was now stuck. The only other option was to go back down the hill in reverse however, there was a two mile line of cars behind it... This happened on almost every road I drove on. Thank goodness I had a wing man who could pull up a map and direct us away from the city, onto back country roads to the highway and home.

Yes, I was driving an all wheel drive vehicle but that really has little to do with your ability to drive smart in snowy weather. I had to help this woman who pulled the above stunt of stopping in the middle of a hill. She was blocking the way from anyone going around her, she was now side ways in the road. I told her what to do while she gave it a bit of gas and me and two other guys pushed the back of the car. The car would not move. I backed away from the car and told her to give it another go, I wanted to see what she was doing with the wheel and what was spinning - NOTHING was spinning... SHE HAD HER PARKING BREAK ON!!!! I tried so hard to not get irritated and told her to release her parking break and then try it again.. with a little rocking back and forth of the wheel and the release of her break she was unstuck and on her way... It got to the point where Rik would start the intro's with "She's from OH"...and then we would offer assistance.

The commute home was not without it's entertainment though. We needed gas and were in this very small town with one gas station (or so we thought). I pumped the gas while Rik went inside to get some snacks and use the restroom, we were still hours away from home. After I was done with the gas I walked inside and asked the lady behind the counter if there was a restroom. She looked at me and said "well there is a toilet in the back". I begged her pardon and she said "well go down that hall and you will see a closet, in that closet there is a toilet". Rik and I looked at each other and said, thanks but no thanks. The hall way was dark and I am a bit leery of toilets in the closet.

The commute back into work was just better. We saw alot of abandoned cars. People just said "fuck it" and left their cars on the side of the road, or in the middle of it. Maybe I should open up a driving school, bu then again there has to be a willingness to learn for that to work.

I had to get all this out before I started my work day. Got here an hour and half early. Was anticipating a longer commute.
Have a great day Clevelanders! Stay warm, I here it's cold there today! See you all soon!

Moving Forward

It has been a long time since I last wrote. I am noticing that ever since I left OH I have posted less. After some soul searching I have concluded that it's because I haven't felt at home. I haven't been able to get into my groove.  There is a lot that has contributed to this feeling - none of which I will go into detail about or share because truly, it's not important. It's not important how I got here, what's important is how I move forward.

For those of you who have been following me on Twitter or Facebook you may have noticed my 'tag' to most of my updates. #movingforward.... I have used this tag so often that my smart phone was 'smart' enough to recognize it and 'auto complete' my text for me the last few times I used it.

I am moving forward! As much as I miss home, my kids, my family, my friends, my LIFE back in OH - TN is my home now. TN is where I am moving forward.

The BIG NEWS:

RedFlag Athletics is getting off the ground. Ryan and I started this year off with our first group class under Red Flag Athletics. We are working out of IMA which is a integrated mixed martial arts academy. The people are great and in just these first few days of the new year we have some dedicated 'members' to our community.  It's really starting to happen and I can see life being breathed back into my husband. That makes me happy to know that he's happy, or at least getting there. Our website is up and running, we have ads out on Craigslist and we are looking forward to making this happen, to grow over the year, and to move forward.

http://redflagathletics.com/
http://www.integratedma.com/

And in OTHER NEWS:

I was working for Gaylord Entertainment (haha peanut gallery) for a few short months. I really thought this place was going to be THE job. Well lets just say we didn't mesh. I ended up giving my two weeks notice just after 2 months of service. Wouldn't you know, the day after I gave my notice Vanderbilt contacted me about a job opening. Vanderbilt is like the Cleveland Clinic here in Nashville. They also have a college. It's a very large employer for middle TN. After several interviews and a pass off to another department, I was offered a job in the Cancer Center as a scheduling coordinator. While I haven't started there yet, not until Jan 10th, I am excited to get started and I really clicked with my new boss. That's important to me.

And in FURTHER OTHER NEWS:

Ryan and I still have plans to expand the family. He had his vasectomy reversed in Oct and we have had the 'green light' since Nov to give it a go. No baby news to report as of now, however check back in the future because this is where it will be posted when it does happen.


To wrap up this news posting I will end with this:

Definition of MOVING

1

a : marked by or capable of movementb : of or relating to a change of residence <movingexpenses>c : used for transferring furnishings from one residence to another moving van>d : involving a motor vehicle that is in motion movingviolation>

2

a : producing or transferring motion or actionb : stirring deeply in a way that evokes a strong emotional response

Definition of FORWARD

1

a : near, being at, or belonging to the forepartb : situated in advance

2

a : strongly inclined : readyb : lacking modesty or reserve : brash

3

: notably advanced or developed : precocious

4

: moving, tending, or leading toward a position in front; also: moving toward an opponent's goal

5

a : advocating an advanced policy in the direction of what is considered progressb : extreme, radical

6

: of, relating to, or getting ready for the future <forwardbuying of produce>

MOVING FORWARD - Capable of movement toward a position in front, producing action ready for the future!!

That's where the Speed's are headed! Where are you headed in 2011?