March 17, 2011 will be a day I will never forget. Not sure about Ryan, he's not very good with dates, but I am sure he will remember the day when the little pink plus sign appeared on the pregnancy test.
Holy Crap! It worked! Was the 1st thought I had, referring to Ryan's vasectomy reversal in Oct.
The next thought, Wow, we are going to have a baby.
The next thought - MAN! It's St. Patricks Day, no drinking for me.
A Baby is on the way. We couldn't be happier about it but there have certainly been fears, anxioety, tears, frustration, and worries - and I am only 12 weeks along.
Let's catch everybody up. Here is my story of the 1st 12 weeks.
The 1st 6 weeks were great. Barely knew I was pregnant. The only give away was it felt as if my bladder had shrunk. Those who know Ryan, you know he has the bladder of a humming bird - I swear mine has become smaller than that. (I know it doesn't really shrink, just felt that way) My excitement was hard to hide as well. What a difficult secret to keep! I was so excited to share the news with Logan and Tyler, and my Mom. I was on cloud nine, thinking this is great! No sickness, no issues, I was feeling great. I woke up one Sunday morning (1 day after the 6 week mark) and was sick and exhausted. I didn't physically get sick but I felt ill and so tired all day long. I couldn't stand to smell the morning bacon and eggs being cooked, I couldn't stand the thought of food, I had no energy to go to the evening WOD, what the hell happened to me? I was feeling great and then WHAM!
My eating came to a screaching hault! I had just gone grocery shopping and didn't want a single thing we bought. What was I going to do now? I love to cook, I love to eat, I love food but my body wanted nothing to do with it. Mostly MEAT! I'm a meat eater. How can this be, how could meat be such a turn off for me? I had also been keeping up with my workouts during the week. I had been following the scaling on CrossFit Moms and was pissed when I had no energy after work to go work out. My nausea was worse at night to boot. Enter the worrying...
I was able to eat some cinnamon raisin toast, cereal, mashed pototoes, pretty much anything not paleo. I was wanting fruit however, it would leave this horribly sour taste in my moouth so I cut back on that after a little bit. I started to fall into a funk, possibly a bit of depression. I started to second guess my decision to have a child, did I really want to do this. I started feeling sorry for myself because my lifes simpilests pleasure (food) was taken away from me. How was I supposed to have a healthy pregnancy when I can't eat anything healthy.
I was never 100% paleo however, my intake of grains and refined carbs over the last several years had been significantly lower than when I 1st met Ryan. So, for several years I had limited my intake of these things and now overnight I am eating nothing but these things. I had horrible stomach pains. I remember telling Ryan that I now know why babies get so fussy when you introduce cereal to their diet - IT HURTS!!! This pretty much solidified my stance on not feeding this baby cereal. I started my research on paleo babies, there is a lot of info out there so I am glad I started now.
I have to say Ryan has been great through all this. He recognized what was going on with me and helped me talk through what I was feeling. I was feeling so guilty for having these doubts and sometimes feelings of regret... I would have internal battles with myself. I knew I wanted to be a Mom and I knew I was in absolute love with this child, I was just angry and upset that I couldn't eat, couldn't stay awake, couldn't stand to breathe half the time, oh and did I mention our sex life came to a screaching halt. Mom and Sue you may want to stop reading for a few lines and pick it back up after the next paragraph.
It's no secret that I had sex, hello I'm pregnant so I think this is a topic worth sharing. No one told me that I may not want anything to do with my husband, that his smell will be different and that I will barely want to kiss him. Ryan and I enjoyed our sex life. It was a big shocker for me, and it broke my heart when that part of our relationship just ended, out of the blue. I felt like I was letting my husband down. When I read in my book (eveyone has a book) and talked to my sister-in-law, it was confirmed that this was normal. I just wish I had known to expect it.
So to help me not focus on the bad my loving husband would ask me every day what my mantra was to get me through. He was just great. On days when I couldn't think of one he would send me texts telling me things like he looked forward to watching me rock this baby to sleep. That was all I needed and then I would feel better for the day. I would focus on the end result of little fingers and toes, Ryan's eyes, my curls... or our upcoming visit to the midwife.
We decided to go with a Midwife and a Doula. I will talk more about this decision in a later post.
We had our 1st ultrasound at 7.5 weeks. I am a participant in a research study here at Vanderbilt. All this study does is collect data on your life style as you try to get pregnant and through your 1st 12 weeks. They are looking to see what may or may not impact a womans ability to concieve and have a healthy pregnancy. They pay me in the form of giftcards for each weekly diary I complete. This will come in handy! At 7.5 weeks we got to see the little bean, we saw the heart beat but have not heard it yet. A few days after the ultrasound we met our Midwife. Aside from the 7 vials of blood they took from me, we left feeling great about our decision. Since it was so early in the pregnancy the appointment was more a meet and greet. We talked a lot about our family history and how I was feeling. Ryan made sure I talked to her about how low I had been feeling. I was so relieved to hear my Midwife tell me that she did not like being pregnant. She assured me that what I was feeling was normal, but to be cautious and let her know if I started to feel any worse. I had always said that I loved kids but I didn't think I could handle being pregnant and so far my body has not made me liar. However, I hear great things happen in the 2nd trimester and I have some pretty cool things to look forward to.
With the 2nd trimester only a week away I am looking forward to all that it has to bring. I look forward to getting my energy back, possibly appetite (fingers crossed), hearing the heartbeat, getting another ultrasound, watching my belly grow, listening to Ryan talk to my belly, I am hesitant to say - feeling the baby move - because I am not sure how I feel about that. I know it's a good sign and it's reassuring and wonderful but I have a hard time with the sensation of butterflies in my stomach so I am not sure how I will take to being poked and bumped from the inside. It's all weird to me.
We are having a baby! The baby is due mid-November. Right around Thanksgiving and Logan's 20th birthday... crazy!!! It seems so far away but we know it will be here before we know it. We will not be finding out what we are having, keeping it a surprise - I joke with Ryan that it's a boy because only a Speed boy could make a woman feel this way. We are wanting a healthy baby, that is all that matters.
We will keep you posted with updates and photos. Thank you for all the well wishes and warm thoughts! We love and miss you all!
