Two weeks ago Logan decided to move out and live with his mother full time. It's been a very emotional and difficult few weeks and I haven't really known how to talk about it (or blog).
I find as I am trying to explain how we got to this point it's not that easy to explain.
Over the past 5 years I have learned a lot about split families. I am fortunate enough to have parents that are still married and I have never had to experience 1st hand two households growing up. Ryan, the same thing.
In joining this ready made family I have learned that there are two very different households. This has proved to be challenging for us as parents, so I have to imagine it's extremely difficult on the kids.
In every decision we make, mostly what battles to fight, we consider how it impacts the kids. Ryan and I ask ourselves, what are we teaching them, what are we showing them, are we being good role models, is this how we would want them to act in a similar situation. Essentially, as parents, we molding little members of society that will eventually be out on their own and the goal is to make sure we mold them into contributing members of society.
We encourage the kids to reach for the stars. If they want it, they can achieve it. The key word though is "they". We expect that they will put in the work necessary to achieve the goal/dream. Ryan and I will support and help the kids achieve their goals but we wont do it for them. We assist and support. They are both at the age where life after high school is fast approaching. Logan will be graduating next June. Repeat conversations have taken place regarding, "what are your plans"? If not college, then what?
Instead of making this entry about Logan and his decisions, I thought it best to ask for advice.
You can't force someone to want more for themselves so when they choose to be lazy, take the easy path, or not apply themselves or their skills, what do you do?
Well written Jen. I agree with you. We are trying so hard to mold the boys into respectful, responsible, good natured boys. It's hard!! From one mom to another I wish you the best of luck because I have moments where I think I am failing but Brian reassures me that they are very good boys and they could be worse. I agree with him.
ReplyDeleteWe can only do our best.
ugh I don't have a profile so I am anonymous. LOL
ReplyDeleteIt's me Halle
You pray A LOT, and let them go. All you can do is raise them and then hope that eventually they will remember and embrace what you have taught them. And...you never stop being their mom. Like the prodigal son, when they run home, you grab them up and hug them without judgement. Love you, TN Mom
ReplyDeleteThank you for responses. I appreciate all the advice!!!
ReplyDeleteSo, I was thinking as I read over you blog.... your talents are entirely wasted. I know your 9-5 is not your dream job (as with many we do what we have to do to pay the bills) and that your love is cooking but you would be perfectly suited to be a motivational speaker.
ReplyDeleteCornball moment, by I am in awe of your ability to see things bigger than how they affect you, most people do not have the ability to look inside the way you do. I am inspired by you......
Anonymous from 8/17, I wish I knew who you were. Thank you so much for the compliment. In one little paragraph you made what I am trying to do with my blogs real. It's a strange thing to learn you inspire someone. I feel so ordinary and truly just speak from the heart and am honest... very honest. Some people think to honest at times. Thank you again for the kind words and who knows maybe I will look into that vocation.
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